Saturday, 6 July 2013

In defiance of entropy

I was recently reading Philip K. Dick’s superlative novel Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? when I was struck by the sheer bleakness of several key situations.

My reflexive reaction was to resist.

I was not deluding myself, or in denial of the reality that entropy is always encroaching on everything, that all things pristine will inevitably decay, return to dust, succumb to mortality. But I was so incensed by those visions of slow death that I was spurred into something of a resolution: I decided that I would fight that shit to my last breath.

I want to be a beacon that blazes life into a wasteland of rust. I want to hold up, as high as I can, everything that stands for light and fire and brilliance, even as I am overrun by the armies of ash, detritus and despair.

I will not “go gentle into that good night.” I am well aware that it is only a matter of time before I am broken down and overpowered, but within the time I have, I intend to make every second count. I am making the seconds count right now, by writing these words, by committing to the virtual world my very own nuclear spark. And when my time comes, even as the last drops of life bleed from me, I will keep holding onto anything beautiful I can retain. I will share that beauty, make as many people smile as I can reach, even as the sky crumbles and the world ends.

One day, perhaps in a different universe to the one we know, someone who needs this spark will come across it and use it to relight their own smouldering remains of hope. And this is one way I see myself playing my part in the ongoing survival of all that is worthy in life. This is the flame that I think of as an exception to the rule of destruction: touched off from one soul to another, lying dormant for however long is necessary, then reappearing triumphantly to spread light anew, igniting a thousand torches in a chain reaction of symmetry.

I realise that this tenuous flicker may not survive forever, no matter how many forms it metamorphoses into. But I am sure it will put up a much tougher fight than the forces of downfall expect.

1 comment:

  1. Your words are a beacon of hope that inspires me. As I deal with the challenges of a shattered reality caused by incomplete healing from a brain tumor (2007) and uterine cancer (2014), I take your resolve and choose to allow it to guide my own actions in the time to come.

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